The Curse of Articulation

Today was Oalin's first day of school! Before Oalin woke up, Sung made pancakes in the shape of a truck and an airplane, I topped them with Oalin's favorite whipped cream, and set out a bunch of balloons.

It was, by all accounts, a wonderful start to the day! On our way to school I kept praying that my heart would be broken because he would walk into school and not turn around to say good-bye. But as soon as we turned onto the school's road and Oalin said, "I don't want to go to school" I just knew that it was about to be bad. My heart sank. I tried to keep up my "I'm so excited you're going to school" facade, but the first hit to it was a hard one.

Pre-Mayhem

We were the first to arrive and the first to find out that there had been a switch of teachers.. now his teacher was to be Ms. Mary Lou. Great. For Oalin, any change to what was "supposed" to occur today was not good. However, he walked into the class and seemed, again, "okay". That is, until the mayhem suddenly started.. 8 out of 10 children were hysterically crying. They called in "reinforcements"; two more teachers to try to help out. I didn't want to leave him there with everyone crying, but I knew that if I didn't leave soon it would only be harder and harder. I handed Oalin over to Ms. Mary Lou, walked out the door, and feel to my knees crying. Melodramatic, I know. But, I couldn't help it! The teacher brain told me not to worry and that he was fine, but my heart just couldn't handle it. A friend offered to go out for coffee with me and so we went 2/10 of a mile down the road. I managed to pull myself together for coffee. While there I said to my friend, "I wish I had a little TV to watch what was going on." What I didn't know was that I was about to find out every painful detail right from my little one's mouth.
I was ridiculously excited to go back and pick him up. I waited, somewhat patiently, for them to start bringing the children outside. I prayed that, somehow, he had managed to pull himself together and enjoy his time at school. The first child came out... miserable... Ms Mary Lou looked around naming the kids who were ready for pick up, but when she spotted me, she quickly said, "Oh, well, let's get Oalin next." My heart sank; I knew what she had meant. He walked out, still hysterically crying. He clung onto me and said, "Mommy, I was so sad. I was SO sad." I couldn't help but start crying. Ms. Mary Lou tried to encourage me to hold up that fake smile. It took every ounce of my being to stop crying. He wouldn't let go. We spent the next 30 minutes inside the classroom talking to his teacher. I asked her if she could tell me even one thing that went well so that we could spend some time reflecting on it for next week. She said, "Well, we did some coloring." Oalin said, "I didn't want to color." She said, "That's true. Well, we played with some little teddy bears." Oalin said, "I didn't want to play." She said with a smile, "That's true." She paused, thinking, and said, "Ms. Sara came and played her violin. We got his attention for that." "So did he cry the whole time?" I asked. "Oh, no. He stopped while Ms. Sara played the violin." "How long was that?" "About 15 minutes."

But that's not the torture of it all. That came in the car. Usually I love the fact that Oalin can be quite articulate, but not today. Today, his words were like daggers. I couldn't even respond to him, because I didn't want him to know I was crying.. so he just kept talking... each word, like a stab to my already broken heart.
This is Oalin's account of his first day of school. (Though the order of sentences may not be quite right... the words, I am certain, are exactly as he said them)
"I was happy before I went to school. I felt sad when I got there. I was scared you weren't going to come back. The children were all crying. I kept calling for you, "Mommy! Mommy!" I just wanted to go home. Ms Mary Lou was holding me and she was telling the other teachers, 'Go get the violin! Go get the violin!' I didn't want my snack. I just wanted to go home. I kept saying, 'I want to go home! I want to go home!' I didn't want to go to the playground. The other children were obviously (yes he used that word!) sad. I don't like that school. School is NOT fun. I want you to find a school where you can come with me. Are you looking for a school like that right now?" We were finally home. I turned on Curious George, made it up the stairs, and balled my eyes out. I want to be brave for him. I want him to know that it's okay. I want him to have fun and learn new things. I know it gets better.. but I don't know if I'll make it until then.. I don't know if I can be brave enough.
So THAT, was Oalin's first day of school.